A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
