you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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