Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
