Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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