What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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