Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He kissed a someone with a penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
