You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
