I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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