Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
