You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
