don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
