i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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