Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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