On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize