She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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