dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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