you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize