I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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