I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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