theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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