i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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