I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
