I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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