I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
