Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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