New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
