I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we're making bets on your personal life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
