I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"