If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.