I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As shirtless as possible
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?