Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
