I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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