The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
