I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
