Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
