He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
