Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
