6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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