I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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