hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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