Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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