dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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