He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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