I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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