Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
