Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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