I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize