my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
