i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
