Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
