You're so nebulous sometimes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
