I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
