You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
