Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
