I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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