she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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