the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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