so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
