Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
