dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
