I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
