I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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