Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize